{"id":2087,"date":"2016-09-03T05:19:31","date_gmt":"2016-09-03T05:19:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pinkimono.com\/?p=2087"},"modified":"2017-07-21T01:25:18","modified_gmt":"2017-07-21T01:25:18","slug":"please-stop-questioning-the-maternity-of-my-biracial-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.pinkimono.com\/2016\/09\/03\/please-stop-questioning-the-maternity-of-my-biracial-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Questioning The Maternity Of My Biracial Children"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"stop<\/a><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m pretty blessed. I get to raise two fiercely beautiful, dynamic, funny, smart kids who happen to be biracial, or as I like to say, ethnically astounding. My husband is white and I am a black woman. Both of my children are rather light. I won\u2019t be cute and say that I don\u2019t see the difference in our skin color, that I only see my children. I most certainly do see color – I see their OWN beautiful and perfect color. It’s a combination that reflects my and my husband\u2019s ancestries.<\/span><\/p>\n

Granted, my kids resemble their father more closely in color than they do me. And that does make it easier for him when he\u2019s out with them. Nobody calls into question their paternity when he has them. That isn\u2019t the case for me. Just today I had the misfortune of dealing with this kind of crap\u2026AGAIN!<\/span><\/p>\n

How The Day Started<\/span><\/h2>\n

This morning I walked with my kids to the post office. Everything was going well. The kids were happy, I managed to get the double stroller through doors of the post office, and my coffee didn’t spill on me during the walk. Life was pretty sweet. <\/span><\/p>\n

While I was filling out the address for my package, a woman came up to my children. She poked her head under the stroller canopies to look at them. First off, that irritated the hell out of me, because I had the kids in what I call \u201cDarth Vader\u201d mode – it\u2019s when I have the stroller canopies pulled DEEP over them. (When it\u2019s pulled all the way down, the canopy looks like Darth Vader\u2019s helmet.)\u00a0You have to really get up under them to see my kids when it\u2019s like that, so I didn\u2019t appreciate her making the effort to get that close to them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>

Here’s the hubs with the kids. Scarlett is in “semi-Darth Vader” mode in the\u00a0stroller.<\/p><\/div>\n

The Most Unnecessary Question Cometh<\/span><\/h2>\n

Nevertheless, I know they\u2019re cute kids, so I was prepared to hear something come out of her mouth about how they look. And I was right. She gushed about how cute they are. I said \u201cThank you,\u201d which I meant. As I was about to finish addressing my envelope, this stranger asked me how old they were. So I smiled and told her \u201cWestley is 22 months and Scarlett is 5 months.\u201d She smiled back. And then the insensitive moment came. \u201cAre they both yours?\u201d She asked\u2026innocently\u2026ignorantly. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Maternity of My Children Is Not Up For Discussion<\/span><\/h2>\n

Now here\u2019s what happened\u2026in my mind. I cut her some mean side-eye and went off. \u201cLady, are you friggin\u2019 serious? Why WOULDN\u2019T they BOTH be mine? These two look exactly alike aside from Westley having hair! Clearly they’re siblings. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Wes<\/a>

My little monsters CLEARLY are siblings!<\/p><\/div>\n

Why are you questioning me if my kids are my kids? I get that we look different in color but still? You feel better knowing now? Now that you know they are both mine? Is your curiosity satisfied? What did you get out of asking me that? You already complimented them so what happens now? Is whatever\u2019s coming out of your mouth next going to be so profound and enlightening because you know both my kids are my kids? You know what? I gotta go!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now here\u2019s what happened\u2026in real life. \u201cOh yes.\u201d And I smiled, politely. Then she continued and said, \u201cSo cute. Oh are you next in line?\u201d And then I said to her to just go ahead of me. <\/span><\/p>\n

Seriously? This type of tasteless questioning of the maternity of my children happens more than I like to admit. The day before, a different woman addressed me as if my kids weren\u2019t mine at Target. I can only assume that our color difference is the trigger for regularly and ignorantly getting asked stupid questions. Maybe I’m being sensitive, but being that their maternity is\u00a0questioned on a regular basis when they are with me and never with their father, I highly doubt it. I know this happens to other people too. My sister\u2019s girlfriend has been made to feel like she needed to provide a birth certificate to prove to a stranger that her biracial children were hers. How dare someone make her feel like it is impossible for her children to be hers because of superficial difference in their skin tone. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nothing Is Gained From Being\u00a0Ignorantly Curious\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Look, I get that people are curious about the difference between the color of my skin and my kids, but that doesn\u2019t give anyone the right to satisfy their curiosity by questioning me. Like, what does a stranger gain by knowing if my kids are mine or not? Would that woman have been unable to go about her day, get a good night\u2019s sleep or go on living if she didn\u2019t ask her irritating question? Is there some sense of relief that comes from knowing that a woman of my complexion can have had kids as light as these two?<\/span><\/p>\n

The truth is, it hurts to be questioned on a constant basis about whether I\u2019m the mother of my children. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Scarlett<\/a>

My little girl and me pre-naptime!<\/p><\/div>\n

It is an ignorant way of drawing out our differences for nobody\u2019s satisfaction other than the person posing the question. It\u2019s hurtful and demeaning because I know the veracity of other parents\u00a0that are the same color as their kids isn’t\u00a0questioned at nearly the same rate. Nobody ever questioned my mother or my father about whether my sister and I\u00a0belonged to them. I can\u2019t imagine how we would have felt hearing that day in and day out. And I won\u2019t fool myself into thinking that the day won\u2019t come when my children turn and ask me about why a stranger is questioning our family.\u00a0Seriously, it makes me even angrier when I think about how they may feel when they start to process this kind of ignorance.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Westley<\/a>

Westley and me practicing our selfie poses!<\/p><\/div>\n

You’ve Been Put On Notice<\/span><\/h2>\n

So I\u2019m done being complicit in this game by saying nothing. The next time, someone questions me, I\u2019m going to answer his or her\u00a0question with a question and ask, \u201cWhat caused you to call into question the maternity of my children?\u201d And then I\u2019ll smile. That may seem a little you-know-what, but I don\u2019t care. I care more about making the \u201cignorantly curious\u201d think twice before they ask something so unnecessary, stupid and hurtful to me, my children and to other families in the same boat.<\/span><\/p>\n

To the \u201cignorantly curious\u201d, you\u2019ve been put on notice.<\/span><\/p>\n

For those who have experienced this kind of nonsense, what do you do when you encounter this type of foolishness? Any advice?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019m pretty blessed. I get to raise two fiercely beautiful, dynamic, funny, smart kids who happen to be biracial, or as I like to say, ethnically astounding. My husband is white and I am a black woman. Both of my children are rather light. I won\u2019t be cute and say that I don\u2019t see the difference in our skin color, that I only see<\/p>\n

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